the start of a big adventure

so much recently i've felt like i'm at the start of something really big... like God is going to do something i'm not expecting.

it's scary, but i'm okay with being scared. i feel secure despite feeling scared.

i recently qualified as an occupational therapist, i have a career and everything - more than most at 21, esp those who decide to take a gap year. i'm doing a year in ministry training because... well i dont have a specific career plan with it, i just wanted to know more about God and feel more equipped to serve Him and reach others - it's certainly going to help me with that.

but that all so popular question, what next?

well, like i say, i have a career. guess i should go with that. i somedays find myself with absolutely no enthusiasm for being an OT... i cant be faffed with the NHS. other days, working in a hospital really excites me, and helping people drives me. most days i still feel God lead me to do that degree and i know that was for a reason, but know also that God is sometimes less straightforward than me doing that degree in order to do that job. if only God was so straight forward - i dont really wish that. boring or what?!

today i really want to be a doctor.... but i think i only want the mental stimulation, power, excitement, responsibility, respect, and my ever increasing lust for financial stability (something i find myself repenting of so much at the moment and yet constantly falling into the temptation of thinking my decisions should revolve around security in money)

i dont really want to be a doctor, and i certainly dont want to be a medical student. or at least i dont think i do.

when i really search my soul, i want to be a vicar. i want to teach people about Jesus and I want to spend all my time visiting people and being nice to people and praying for people. But then all these people around me think i shouldn't be a vicar, Biblically... and somedays i dont think i should be either. then other days i think it'd be okay.

so... what? NHS? some kind of non-dog collor, Biblically justified (tsh!) church job? married-children-no career-housewife forever? meh.

i'm so glad God has my life sorted. I'm so glad it's a case of seeking His will and not deciding what I think is best. I am so excited to be at the start of an adventure. I want to keep up the excitment of the big unknown adventure.... and not shrink back into security in being fearful of the unknown.

and you know, any prayers you have for a bit of guidance.... always welcomed!